Why I’m Selling Evil Eye Cock Rings
Today, I’m retiring all evil eye bracelets and replacing them with Dr. Honeybrew’s Evil Eye Cock Rings. These playful talismans have caused endless laughter at my coffee fortune ceremonies — and now, they’re for sale.
The reason though, is more existential than erotic. While I’m not impotent, I do believe that culture is meant for touching, tasting, and yes… even stroking. Dr. Honeybrew’s Evil Eye Cock Rings are my reminder for us all to lighten up, have fun, and reclaim our culture — or what’s left of it — with humor.
Place one on a loved one and wish them a fair erection.
Go Mamdani.
You’re Not Turkish
Ever since moving to the U.S., I’ve been accused of not being “Turkish enough.”
As my accent softened and I lost track of the new superstars, I became a cultural pariah.
3 years ago, a family friend flashed me a Turkish political cartoon and burst into laughter. I didn’t get it. When I asked him to explain, he said,
“If you don’t get it, it’s not worth explaining.”
I pressed.
He snapped, “You’re not actually Turkish. You’ll never get it.”
Funny, because I don’t know many Turks who read coffee grounds, handcraft Turkish Delights, and make evil eye cock rings for a living.
Best Ring in Town
Let’s talk business.
Dr. Honeybrew’s Honey Evil Eye Bracelets were never bestsellers. They were constantly upstaged by Dr. Honeybrew’s Turkish Coffee Fortune Box, which includes a personalized video reading from yours truly.
Fast, quick, and easy.
The honey bracelets were also a logistical nightmare — custom-sized, finicky, and consistently outshined by the classic blue beads that everyone wanted instead.
So I reinvented.
The first of these Evil Eye Cock Rings began as gag gifts during ceremonies. Whenever a guest complained about a “disobedient partner,” I’d hand them one. Instant laughter, universal fit, minimal beads. (And yes, they stretch.)
Sometimes, you’ve just got to give the people what they want.
And yes, they’re blue.
Cutting Expectations
My readings are never traditional.
Hopping, clapping, rolling — it’s all part of our ritual. Not for show, but because inspiration strikes me like a lightning bolt through the cezve.
Still, many arrive expecting a somber psychic reading. That’s not what I do. My energy goes toward dismantling the stereotypes people carry about Turkish fortune telling — or what a Turk should even look or sound like.
So yes, I sell Evil Eye Cock Rings. Not because they’re useful (though who knows), but because they capture my philosophy:
Culture should not shrink down to cultural expectations.
So go ahead — buy one, and make Dr. Honeybrew smile.
And your lover too.
