😞✨ The Worst Fortune Reading Ever

I loathe having my fortune told.

Ironic? Yes. But I’ve said it before: a psychic’s intentions must be tuned to compassion, humor, and positivity before I entrust my future in their hands.

My father was a master of this with his fortune readings.

But the other night, while attending an excellent burlesque show in Brooklyn, I decided on a whim to accept the invitation of a performer to have my “lips” read.

The result was a hauntingly accurate, but ultimately, deeply disappointing fortune reading that made me sink 10 meters into an abyss of despair.

PROTECT YO ENERGY

First a heartfelt confession.

2025 has been quite possibly the hardest year of my life.

Besides being wed by British pop star Robbie Williams — the happiest moment of my existence  — the months that followed were grueling.

In May, I had a breakdown.

I stopped taking my medication, got started on a nasty antibiotic called Augmentin, and drank copious red wine to fight a two-week long jet lag coupled with insomnia.

I went bonkers.

The next 4 months resulted in an unparalleled psychiatric deterioration. Insane mood swings, perpetual panic attacks — and even suicidal ideations, which I had never experienced before.

Celexa, once my lifesaver, was now not working.

I felt hopeless.

Long story short, a month ago, I got on a new medication and feel amazing & normal again. An absolute miracle.

But the truth is, the doctor is still recovering. It takes sensitivity to read fortune and I always take pride in sharing my vulnerability to my customers.

This post is no exception.

THE FORTUNE

I sat down, kissed a napkin, and our fortune began.

“You are very sad right now”

“You are pretending”

“You are getting no sleep”

“You are refusing to ask for help”

“You are not being vulnerable enough”

Almost all of it was correct. At the start of my crisis, I was afraid to ask for help.

But with each proclamation, I sunk further into my seat, feeling like an open wound for the entire world to pick at. Finally, as she was wrapping up I asked with a meek voice — “is there any semblance of positivity in this cup?”.

She just said that I was an innovative thinker.

And while reaching for her deck of cards, I declined and got up.

THE IRONY

The next day, I ended up giving the worst fortune reading of my life (I apologize Abbie, kindly contact me for a refund if you’re reading this).

It was a bomb unlike anything I’ve displayed in seven years. Though to be honest, I don’t think it was a coincidence.

I was so desperate to not repeat the mistakes of the previous fortune teller that it clouded my judgement. Additionally, the lingering insecurity of the previous night was still wafting over my third eye like a fart.

So I made a promise: never will I have my fortune told. Because no one can out do Liberacci himself. I don’t want the future projected without the hope.

WHY WAS THE FORTUNE BAD IF IT WAS TRUE?

Life is full of hardship. When you think the radar is clear, another tornado appears.

But all storms pass. Always. And in the flurry of winds, the weatherman (aka fortune teller) reminding you of this can make for a life and death difference.

Because when you’re in the storm, to be reminded that you’re in the storm, only reinforces negative thoughts instead of the positive outcome.

What you will get with Dr. Honeybrew is the silver lining in every misfortune, that there is a smile under every frown.

Because hey, I have lived through it myself.