☠️🪫 3 Ways To Jinx Your Fortune Reading
HERE WE GO AGAIN
Sometimes we know better, but we do it anyway.
It's like that Radiohead song "Just" - 'you do it to yourself - you do'.
Heck, that's life. But each day is also a chance to avoid yesterday's misgivings - an exercise in mitigating the burdens of tomorrow (note to self: don't eat sugar).
Speaking about the future, I want to share with you three personal matters that I avoid before each coffee fortune reading ceremony. I have made the dire mistake of entertaining these trappings - multiple times - before finally learning my lesson.
So I'm sharing them here.
Image credit: Shamblen Studios
DON'T CALL MOM
Isn't it ironic? (I'll stop here with the 90's alternative rock references).
Do not get me wrong. My mother is my world. In fact, I just watched "Caught Stealing" starring Austin Butler on Union Square over the weekend, and I was struck by how similar the main character's emotional reliance on his mother was that to mine.
Yes, Dr. Honeybrew is a momma's boy. How can I not be? My mom took me to Coachella when I was just fourteen - to see Radiohead in fact. Forever cool mom.
Hello Nefize Sertac Kip - I love you.
But it is also the ones who we love the most that make us boil the quickest.
Case in point, I enjoy undivided attention while talking to someone. Similar to when I am reading fortune. Believe me, I spend every ounce of energy, focus, and intuition to channel the message of your cup - and I prefer the same from my loved ones.
Jesus. This is turning into an analyst's sofa.
Is it too late to stop?
Reading someone's fortune has all to do with them, and nothing to do with our own personal affairs. Therefore, it is imperative to approach each reading like a blank canvas.
People seeking guidance deserve the best possible advice, without one's subjective emotional state interfering with their cup's objective frequency.
Here is the bottom line. Mom doesn't have to be your mom. Just avoid situations that may potentially put you in a less than perfect state of mind, or make you angry. Our loved ones always mean the best, but sometimes they can unintentionally trigger us as well.
It is simple. Call mom after you finish the work. It always works better.
Image credit: Shamblen Studios
DON'T CHECK SOCIAL MEDIA
Tell me the last time you had an emotionally riveting experience on Instagram.
Exactly.
These days, I am awakened to the fact that internet is not the place that it was back in 2003. Today, it is a bad tempered teenager - like a snot nosed, lying ball of negativity that points a finger at everyone. An immature monster that thrives on putting others down for the sake of bolstering its own alleged moral superiority.
In my case, one of few things can happen.
1. A customer wants to reschedule for the second time, but doesn't want to pay the $20 reschedule fee.
2. Another soul crushing headline from the New York Times appears.
3. Someone doesn't like the taste of Turkish coffee, and leaves a comment saying mine didn't taste like a latte.
For this reason, it is essential to refrain from any phone and internet usage one hour before any fortune reading. It is unnecessary drama that you don't need to fill your head while relaying the prophecy of a paying customer who is seeking a little positivity.
This rule is even more important than not calling mom.
Image credit: Shamblen Studios
DON'T FIGHT WITH WIFE
And finally: don't mess with your spouse.
Picture this-I spend three hours setting up: incense, stamped napkins, iPad pen charged. By T-minus 20 minutes, a frantic Dr. Honeybrew appears, racing around making sure everything's flawless.
In the past, my poor wife bore the brunt of that stress. And since fortune telling requires vulnerability, tension is poison. Push me too far and I turn Count Dracula.
The good news? I'm better now. Even when the sand machine "breaks" (translation: unplugged), I stay calm.
Lesson three: don't turn on the people trying to help you. The ten-second tantrum is never worth the post-show apology.
Image credit: Shamblen Studios
IN CONCLUSION
Performance-based work is unpredictable. Some nights everything goes right, some nights the sand machine isn't plugged in. Some nights you realize you forgot to take your medication that day.
But the only thing you can really control is you. And if you can't do that, go see a therapist.
So: prep early, don't snap at loved ones, and for the love of coffee beans, stay off Instagram.
And when you visit Turkish Coffee Room, you'll know-if I look calm, it's because I didn't have a shouting match with Amy this time.
- Dr. Honeybrew
