🚫🍸 A Buzz Without the Booze
Let’s get one thing straight — I love espresso martinis.
But I also love this refreshing shift towards sobriety that Gen Z is spearheading in our culture today.
“Where my millennials at?” … No, really.
The youngling crowd (not to be confused with Yuengling) are craving experiences that are less damaging to the body, and more raising of the spirit (the soulful kind of course, not Aperol Spritz).
Well, Turkish Coffee Room fortune readings are cosmic fun, and without the hangover!
Sober Curious? Hell Yes. ❤️🔥
More and more New Yorkers are typing things like:
“Alcohol-free things to do in NYC”
“Sober dates in Manhattan”
“Cool witchy experiences NYC no booze”
How do I know? Well, umm. I guess this part I asked AI.
But returning to reality — Turkish Coffee Room is coming to piping hot. I brew every cup the old-school way, by plunging copper “cezves” into scorching sand, sourced all the way from New Mexico (more on that later). After the ancient brew is slurped, the remaining grounds are read through my big, fat Turkish lips.
Get ready for the juiciest fortune reading of your life. Tears and laughter guaranteed.
And here’s the kicker: The caffeine is basically nonexistent. Just 1/3 the strength of an espresso shot. You won’t be jittering into the astral realm anytime soon. And yes, decaf is available for those who want the smooth vibes without the buzz.
The coffee, by the way, is my own proprietary blend imported from Turkey—crafted with care, and a few whispered incantations during each ceremony. It is the best Turkish coffee in New York City.
Ommmmmmmm…
But Do People Still Sneak in a White Claw? 🦀
Oh, absolutely. This is New York City after all.
While the ceremony itself is alcohol-free and meant to be experienced with a clear head and open heart, I will not police your pregame.
Some guests in the past have discreetly (and with good humor) brought along White Claws, Bud Lights, and even tequila in an Aquafina water bottle (you’re not fooling anyone, babe).
It’s not encouraged — but hey, it’s a free country. I just ask that everyone show up respectful of the space and of one another. You’re not in a bar—you’re in a freakin’ beehive. People are pouring their hearts out here (and their cups too for that matter).
The last thing we need is Chad burping mid-prophecy.
A Hungover Horror Story 😵
Let’s take a moment to remember that one guy. We'll call him... Travis.
Travis stumbled in on a Sunday afternoon, reeking of cheap whiskey and designer cologne. He tossed back his Turkish coffee like a shot of Jack Daniels (not recommended) and promptly excused himself to the restroom.
When he returned, he was ghost-pale, visibly drained, and somehow still eager to know what the universe had in store for his love life.
You don’t have to be like Travis.
Come Sober, Leave Glowing 🌟
Whether you’re sober for the day, the decade, or just trying something new, Turkish Coffee Room offers a buzz-free high rooted in music, intuition, connection, and the slow unfurling of the unknown.
Damn that was a good line. Let me write it down.
Furthermore, it’s witchy, communal, and chic, without needing a drop of booze to be intriguing.
And if you do want to decompress after the ceremony — please. I always recommend heading to a nearby bar or wine bar to process the prophecy over a drink... somewhere else. Not here.
This space is for presence, not pilsners.
But again, I can’t inspect each Aquafina bottle! The bee is a sage, not a cop. 😉
TLDR; The Recap (in case you skimmed)
🧿 Alcohol-free, theatrical Turkish coffee readings in NYC
☕ Extremely low caffeine (1/3 espresso), decaf available
🐝 Held in an East Village home designed to feel like a beehive
🪬 Handmade evil eye bracelets available.
👁️🗨️ Highly entertaining and personalized fortune readings.
😅 Some folks sneak in a drink.
🤢 Someone once came hungover. Don't be that person.
💫 This is the greatest sober fortune telling social experience unlike anything else.
So, are you ready to step into the magic, with no cocktails required?
And don’t worry, I hear Travis is better these days. His fortune reading helped I think.
